Ron Hann
Posts: 5820
Joined: 14 Aug. 2003
From: Christchurch New Zealand
Status: offline
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Here's something to think about. It appeared in one of our Local give-away newsletters, the "St. Alans News" - and that's St. Albans, New Zealand, not St. Albans, Victoria or St. Albans, England. Anybody know any more of them ??
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Asylum for the Verbally Insane (author unknown).
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen??
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And if I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ??
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ??
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren.
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim.
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in egg-plant nor ham in hamburger; neither
apple nor pine in pineapple..
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradox-
es, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings
are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it
a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham.
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one, what do you call it ?? If teachers
taught, why didn't preachers praught ?? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat ??
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking Eng-
lish should be committed to an asylum for the verbally in-
sane. In what other language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital ?? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell. And how can a
slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites ??
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which
you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm
goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop ??
And that is just the beginning - even though this is the
end.
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And I can only add - how can flammable and inflammable mean the same ??  
< Message edited by Ron Hann -- 12 May 2008 10:19:32 >
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Ron Hann.
On present indications, my site will be unattended from Wednesday, 15th., October, 2008, to Sunday, 19th., October, 2008, both dates being inclusive. Any e-mails received within that time frame may be deleted unread.
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Thinking about - Learning English? - 
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